Nude Photographs Of N.M.U. President Found On The Internet

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n  S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- What has been a promising political career for N.M.U.'s president Judith Bailey may have come to a shockingly abrubt end at the close of this last semester, as her secret photographic past came to be revealed thanks to a horny Business major, Sophmore Hank Renferit.

   "I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but our president is one sexy fox!" said Renferit. "I also usually wouldn't admit that I collect old editions of nudie mags, but something like this doesn't get found every day ya know!"

   The office of the president has refused to release any comment, much less acknowledgement in response to our requests, so we can only speculate that she must have been young and needed the money.

   One of Renferit's fellow students also announced his plans on an upcoming web venture, as a result of the discovery. Junior Sal Iva says he plans to use his laptop to create a pay-per-view site that will host scanned images of NMU faculty and staff in their birthday suits.

   "I'm pretty sure we won't be able to find actual pictures of all of them naked," said Iva, "but those we can't find, we can probably create with the software that comes on these laptops. It shouldn't be too hard to do. And I'm pretty sure people will pay to see the results!"

   At first Iva was concerned that NMU would try to keep him from hosting the site, but he now feels confident, as he was unable to find anywhere in the "terms of use" of NMU's internet policy any language that forbids students to have porn on computers.

   "Excuse me for a few minutes, will ya?" added Renferit.