Isn't It Ironic, Don'tchya Think?

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n  S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- Okay, this article is sort of necessary. Do you remember that big stink about the smiley faces made with colored bricks during the construction of the new Seaborg building? We here at the...TRUTH think that the universe has pulled one of it's reliable sneak curve balls on the administration of Northern Michigan University.

   Take a close look at the picture on the right. Do you notice anything strange about the overall design and construction? Think about the windows and the door a bit. Do you see it yet?

   Now, granted, some of you are too busy collecting MP3s before Napster starts charging to spend much time exercising your imagination, but give it your best shot.

   Then, especially if you haven't seen anything, look at the picture below.

   Do you see what we mean now? And this is just during the day. If you been fortunate enough to be studying late at the library and had to walk back to a dorm or anywhere past the huge construct, you may have noticed the striking similarity the building has to a dorky dragon, all curled up and waiting for the sacrifices to begin.

   And oh yes, there will be sacrifices. It starts out small, with just the remains of disected animals from the Biology department, but what next? Students who can't afford the $500 deductible on their laptops? Those who speak out against the administration instead of showing complete empty-headed support? Where do we draw the line?

   Be afraid, be very afraid. The real purpose behind all those "elevated walkways" is to create the longest concrete dragon ever! It's sure to bring forth the demons of hell to torture us with years and dollars of our lives in exchange for the chance at a half-assed degree from an over-rated university.

   Run away, run away.

   Help, help, we're being oppressed.