Outlook for NMU's New Computer Policy Not Too Good For Tenured Professor

A r t i c l e  b y  T a n k  K a n a m i t

MARQUETTE, MI -- Many people are excited about Northern's new mandatory computer policy, which according to the implied message of the latest television ads, students will be "receiving" for what seems like nothing. But some "negative-nancy" teachers are less optimistic. According to tenured professor Buford Pusser, "Back in my day, the only thinkpad students needed was their noggin and a pen and pencil. Hell, Lincoln only needed a shovel and chalk. Now these folks are stormin' down my door and telling me how to teach my classes. I've been using the same lesson plan for 30 years and have told my famous 'stump anecdote' at least 100 times."

   When asked about the possibility of facing consequences for not using the Thinkpads in his classroom, Dr. Pusser replied: "Computers, HAH! I don't think these people understand the true meaning of the word tenure," while waving a big stick.

   Dr. Pusser's class, like many other classes at Northern, is primarily a lecture class, which aside from typing rather than taking notes, will not really be augmented by the addition of computers.

   Freshman Outdoor Rec Major Cher Komiski had this to say, "Computers will like, totally help me in my classes. Now instead of doodling 'Go Cats' in my notebook or just sleeping through class, I can check my email and the crotchety old professor will think I am actually taking notes. And since my parents are already paying for school, now they don't have to bother shopping for a computer, Northern is giving me one!"

   Added Hawk Stephenson, Junior MS-Computer Science Major, "Now rather then skipping class to play Quake, me and the rest of the guys in AITP can link together and tie up the whole campus network during Intro Psych."

   While it is a valid point that two years down the road when the hubbub fades computers probably won't actually alter the landscape of classes too much, especially for classes taught by experienced professors who've already been doing a perfectly adequate job without laptops, some remain optimistic.

   "These thinkpads are a wonderful addition to Northern Michigan University," said Diana Moon Glompers, NMU Administrator. "Not only will they make me and my co-workers look really good and make for great 'PR', they are saving the University hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars. I mean, rather then having to constantly upgrade the computer lab, we can defray that cost by making each student pay an addition 800 dollars a year for a computer. Now that's efficiency. In light of this evidence, I don't understand why the actual usefulness of the laptops for the students and teachers is an issue."