Laptops Fail, New Initiative Considered

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n  S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- In a press release not expected by anyone, the N.M.U. administration has officially recognized the failure of the TLC (otherwise known as the Laptop Iniative).

   "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," said Gavin Leach, head honcho for behind the door deals with major companies. "Students liked calculator's 'cause they made class easier. Why wouldn't a computer do even more? Not to mention the money we'd make. It seemed like a win-win situation."

   Feelings have been mixed among the student population from the beginning, though most have managed to come to terms with the doorstops.

   "I use mine for AOL and HotMail," said freshman Cosmology major Brenda Dingleberry. "For $385, it's a pretty good way to keep in touch with all my friends and chat and IM people and stuff. I don't know how anyone can go through life without one of these."

   Despite the enthusiasm of students like Brenda, the iniative was doomed from the beginning by poorly made choices in manufacturer and lack of support ability.

   Administration is now looking into the possibility of starting a new program to increase N.M.U.'s chances of being taken seriously in the outside world. Suggestions have been made for an expansion on the Hotpot Initiative, as well as a newly conceived Sports Watch initiative.

   "I like the Watch idea," said someone. "They're cheaper, and waterproof up to 10 feet. I know that'll come in handy!"

   We here at The...TRUTH would like to say that, well, at this point how would it hurt.