"Lunch With The Prez - Part II" Seeks Student Feedback On Administrator's Wages

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n  S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- Because of the success of the first such event, N.M.U. president Judge Judy Bailif has decided to hold a sequal to the "lunch with the president". Bailif said, "these events are intended to get student feedback. Kinda."

    Only approximately 20 students showed up for the first lunch, held in the University Center lunch area, but Bailif still considered it a success for the C.O.A. factor. (Editor's Note: C.O.A. stands for Cover Our Ass)

    "Every policy from parking to laptops was decided upon a while ago," Bailif said. "But by having these lunches, we can give students a chance to make suggestions. This makes it look like we care what they think. And, even better than that, when people complain later on, we can point to these meetings as evidence that we were fair about our decisions, and accuse them of apathy for not getting the entire student body to show up."

    The next lunch will be held on the fourth floor of the Purple Palace, which is closer to Bailif's office, serves better food, and has a nice view of the Lake.

    While administrators feel these lunch meetings are good for many reasons, students who attended the first luncheon felt differently. "What a load of crap." Said computer science major Will Smith. "I've made better use of my time picking my nose in line at the grocery store. And I was only buying toilet paper, too!"

    The subject of the second lunch, to be held halfway through April, will be the upcoming wage increases for top administrators of Northern Michigan University. With more money coming in next semester from higher enrollment plus the profit made on the etch-a-sketch policy, (Editor's Note: Translated - ThinkPad Policy) N.M.U. has to decide which baskets to toss the goodies into. It will become even more important if the proposed athletic fee goes through.

    Currently, many top administrators receive three figure yearly salaries. In a memo we weren't supposed to see, Bailif stated her intentions to get that up another couple of digits. She justified this increase with the words "...we have to put up with the people who put up with these crabby students all day long, for weeks on end. Sometimes we even have to see the students ourselves!"

    Pamela Lee Grundstrom, Administrative Assistant for Bailif said that the president may not even have to attend this next lunch. "If we set this up right so that even less students show up, like zero, then we don't even have to have Bailif there. We can just say she was there, and since we're in charge everyone will have to believe us.

    "I'll tell you what they can do with that lunch." Said Smith.