NMU Strikes Deal With Man In Negaunee For Mainframe Upgrade

A r t i c l e  b y  E a t e n   S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- Keeping in stride with Northern Michigan University's new policy on being a "hi-tech University", plans have been made to upgrade the central mainframe computer housed in the basement of Cohodas.

   Saul Harvey, a retired plumber who has "always held on to gadgets" has been contracted to handle the upgrade with parts from his basement collection of "nothing wrong with it" technology. The cost is estimated to be about $75.

   According to some administrative leaders, the upgrade is long overdue. "It's been just about 20 years, for cryin' out loud," said Upgrade Investigation Supervisor John Henry. "No one is questioning that we need the upgrade... it's just that our system has always worked before, so why change? Now that we're doing this laptop thing, though, we have to spend a little money on making our mainframe compatible with these new fangled IBM gadgets."

   Throughout the last decade, computers have played an ever growing role in information storage and retrieval. In most companies and institutions, computerized databases have replaced a majority of all paper records, except at NMU, where printed backups of computer data must be filed with the original paperwork. Where in the past it would take 10 minutes for someone to search through stacks of paper for some data, the same information can now be retrieved from NMU's mainframe in just a few days.

   "With the new upgrade, it should only take 24 hours, tops, now." Assures John.

   While most companies or institutions use higher powered IBM mainframe computers or some other sort of UNIX system, NMU has found that it can get along "just fine" with their Atari 2600.

   "It's kind of a funny story," President Judi Bailey commented. "Back in the early 1900's when NMU was just getting on it's feet, then president James H.B. Kaye had a brother who was into electricity. He just happened to have this Atari laying in his shed, and said we could use it. All it cost the University was a few jugs of moonshine to keep the elder Kaye happy."

   Students should start seeing changes and possible improvements within the next few months.

   Among the items to be purchased are new cartridges (the old ones are starting to fall apart), a new joystick and an extension cord so the mainframe can be more portable, which should make it more like the IBM Thinkpads.

   George Satin, a Junior Economics major had this to say, "Maybe if they spent less time in the basement over there playing Donkey Kong, we'd get some effeciency around here."