Real Reason Behind West Science Renovation Discovered!

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n   S h o r t z

MARQUETTE - Our reporters were shocked, but not surprised when they recently uncovered the real reasons behind the renovation of the loveable building affectionately known as "West Science".

    We have been attempting to investigate this expensive NMU project for the past few months, with little success until last week. It seemed the key to this discovery was just the right amount of alcohol combined with boredom.

    Students and low level administraters alike would be annoyed and apathetic all at once, were they to realize the truth behind this project. Our job, as usual, is to reveal these types of things, in order to benefit the student body and faculty of this fine University.

    The only problem is that we cannot tell you what the reason is. We used to think we didn't have a price, but we were wrong. Our loyalty can be bought like a cheap French whore. (Send checks to the P.O. Box on the main page of this web site.)

    What's in the future for Northern Michigan University buildings? We know, but we can't tell you.