Tech Needs Women!

In a dramatic new exchange between Northern Michigan University and Michigan Technological University, a plan has been formulated that will ship healthy, attractive single female volunteers from NMU to provide aid and comfort to students at sexually repressed MTU.

"What we hope to gain from this is a well adjusted student body that is better equipped to deal with the real world." said Tech president Dale Stein.

"It is well documented that sexual inactivity during sexual peak years can lead to all kinds of weird sublimation," said Dr. Steve Platt of psychology. "Take for instance Seattle's Space Needle - that was designed by a Tech grad. Also look at Tech's metallurgy building, also known as the Brick Dick."

"NMU with it's relatively low average IQ and favorable Male/Female ratio can seem like Babylon to someone who's spent the last four years on the ice planet of Ho-ton," said Inge Pubis, lifestyle analyst for The...TRUTH (this week at least). "The last thing we want though is whiny, pale, boring geeks from Tech pouring into Marquette and bugging us while we sunbathe, play volleyball, model exciting underwear, stave live sex shows, and all the other boring but sexually liberated activities that the men and women of NMU engage in every weekend."

Political correctness watchdogs at NMU object to the practice saying it degrades women but supporteres are quick to point out that women are taken on a volunteer basis only and single homosexual men are also encouraged to participate.

"There comes a time in a girl's life when she has to ask herself: do I really want to (A) spend the rest of my life with an aging, unemployed liberal studies grad who used to be sexy when we were freshmen or do I want to (B) marry a rich engineer who never had an ounce of sex appeal or do I want to (C) take charge of my life, get my career going where I want it to be and not give a rat's ass whether I'm Mrs. or Ms. Anything. Well for those girls who pick (B) this program is just for them," said Pubis, adding that girls who pick (C) usually go to State.