A Brief (somewhat) History of The...TRUTH

A Brief History of The complete, unadulterated, unabridged, all-American, unbiased, plain and simple TRUTH From September 1988 to April 1994... by Paul T. Olson (as nearly as I can remember it)

"Anything I put down wrong here is, as far as I'm concerned, wrong for good."
            --Douglas Adams

As usual, I have better things to do than write this. (April 13, 1994) I graduate in a few days and I really should be writing those last few papers. "Aw heck, I'll just do a little of this to warm up," I lie. Appropriate though, once again The...TRUTH is interfering with "important" stuff.

Project E*L*F is the group that puts out The...TRUTH. It was founded a long time before The...TRUTH came out. I don't know exactly when but I remember one of our first projects was putting up posters that said "BOB FOR CONGRESS" That was funny because both of the candidates for Congress were named Bob (this was before we had heard of the Church of the Subgenius). We were also putting up xeroxes of pages from The Principia Discordia, a slim paphlet Mark Valenti brought back with him when he came back from exile in Fort Wayne, Indiana in early 1986. We read it eagerly--identifying the spirit of our group in the words on the page--we became Erisians (in fact, without knowing it--we had been Erisians for quite some time). Previous to our discovery of the P.D., we called ourselves Mutants. For an account of some of our early adventures, see my bid for ASNMU president and the resultant Disciplinary Charges which were more or less explained in the North Wind from March and April of 1987.

Several summers later, Erik Lucas and I were hanging out on the beach and we began talking about putting out a regular paper of some kind. We were getting all kinds of silly propaganda from various fringe religious groups--the title usually included the word "Truth." Mark Valenti held up "The Truth About..." and "The Plain Truth" and said, "We have two kinds of truth--regular and plain." No further comment necessary.

• No. 1 - (presumed to be from September of 1988) NMU, YOUR MOMMA SAY YOU UGLY
  Bonsall statue found in jungle, ASNMU firings, Inge Pubis Colonel Gonzo: Monsters of Rock
  Radical Moderate: Last Temptation of Christ Sami: Below Jobs
  Principia Discordia: pages 5 (Zen Story) and 69 (Epistle to the Paranoids) Note: in the Ned column in issue 2, Mark mentions a hot dog sale held on September 9, 1988. This may be when we first distributed the first issue of The..TRUTH. I'm not sure about this. I was there, but you know how my memory is. I do remember that we only had 250 copies printed and we stamped all of them with our "Official Discordian Society Hail Eris" stamp. If you have one with this stamp--it's authentic. If it's not stamped then it ain't authenic.
  
  
• No. 2 - APPLEBERRY HIT BY ORIENTAL CURSE
  Naked cheerleaders, ASNMU firings, Inge Pubis Ned: Explaination and hot dog sale
  Colonel Gonzo: Last Temptation of Christ
  Sami: conformity
  Principia Discordia: page 74 The Golden Secret
  
  
• No. 3 Bureaucracy 65, 3154 (October 11, 1988) EX-PRES HAUNTS JIM'S PURPLE PALACE
  co-ed carded
  Ned: Organizations day
  Radical Moderate: wet t-shirt contest
  Sami: the search for The...TRUTH
  Principia Discordia: page 7 The Revelation part I Note: This is the first issue that actually had a date on it. Erik was extrordinarily reticent to put any kind of identifying mark on any issue (to my dismay then and now). He was willing, after threats, to put the date from the Erisian calendar on The...TRUTH. This tradition continues.

  The cover story is an excellent example of our "Implausible Diversion Principle." The story says that Ex-pres. John Jamrich's ghost was haunting Appleberry's office. Now obviously you don't believe that John Jamrich is haunting the Cohodas building--but what gets lost in all the silliness is the fact that John Jamrich is alive and well. The Implausible Diversion distracted you from the fact that Jamrich ain't dead. We used the I.D.P. often but never quite as effectively, I think.
  
  

• No. 4 Aftermath 5, 3154 (October 24, 1988) ADMINISTRATION BUILDING FROM OUTER SPACE pootfrints, Inge Pubis, The Kitchen Korner, ASNMU antics Radical Moderate: Manifesto
  Sami: dumb holidays
  Principia Discordia: page 8 The Revelation part II
  
  
• No. 5 Aftermath 15, 3154 (November 3, 1988) Election issue MICKEY MOUSE AT FORD CLINIC
  Inge Pubis, Heckle & Jeckle
  Ned: Should you vote?
  Radical Moderate: political debate
  Colonal Gonzo: Blue Velvet
  Sami: Yanks are stupid

  Note: this issue was almost never published. Printing services decided that they didn't like it, so they told us they couldn't print it any more. We went to the North Wind, the Mining Journal, and TV6--printing services recanted and printed the issue without comment. The North Wind did a less than totally terrible job of covering the story on November 10, 1988. One month later we had our first Student Activity Fee funded event--The...TRUTH Victory Dance, held December 10, 1988--It was a crashing bore.

  Note: from here on until after the resurrection issue (issue 21, we think), I'm not sure how many issues came out (a problem that never would have occurred if Erik had numbered them). So, I'm just going to start with the date and let history decide.
  
  

• Aftermath 37, 3154 (November 25, 1988) 8 page issue UNDEAD UNIVERSITY
  gate to hell, Inge Pubis, sex in West Science, new logo, Kitchen Korner organization overseer, ASNMU silliness, Bathroom etiquette, Ned Colonal Gonzo: dead
  Erisian quiz
  Principia Discordia: page 9 The Revelation part III
  
  
• Aftermath 49, 3154 (December 7, 1988) 8 page issue HE'S FASCIST CLAUS
  cafe cannibals, parking ticket, Inge Pubis, Ned Radical Moderate: Christmas
  Sami: Don we now our gay apparel
  Erisian Quiz
  Principia Discordia: page 65 Erisian Evangelists
  
  
• Chaos 55, 3155 (February 24, 1989) 8 page issue NEW OFF CAMPUS POSITION PROPOSED
  ASNMU election, logo story, Inge Pubis, B.B.B., Yoopers, Ned Radical Moderate: religion
  Republican Response: Manifesto
  Sami: goons
  Erisian Quiz
  
  

  Note: the eight page issue idea proved to be too daunting--we could barely handle one piece of paper, let alone two. We decided to go back to four pages. We thought it would be better to do half the issue and come out twice as often--this decision showed that we were actually starting to form an editorial philosophy. While I was editor in chief I said, "when we're coming out weekly--then we'll talk about going back to eight pages."
  
  

• no date (assume summer 1989) Orientation Issue "PSYCH!" --COOP
  entertainment guide, entrance exam
  Republican Response: Marquette on $10 a semester Principia Discordia: page 1
  
  
• September 1989
  Note: I know somewhere in here there's one issue which was funded by the Student Activity Fee. We went through a lot of trouble to get SAF funds, only to have them yanked (on our first issue) after a group of frat boys were offended by an off-color remark. Now I can't find the offending issue. See the North Wind from this period--they covered every minute detail ad nauseum for weeks and weeks and weeks.
  
  
• Bureacracy 60, 3155 (October 6, 1989)
  ROBO-LIBRARIAN COMES TO NORTHERN
  hospitality, Ned, birth alcohols, Ned
  Sami: food
  Principia Discordia: page 42 Curse of Greyface Note: this is the first issue after the Student Activity Fee debacle.
  
  
• Aftermath 17, 3155 (November 5, 1989)
  BOTTLE OPENER OF THE GODS?
  Bob Abdoo, summoning, Ned, the Creation, student teaching Erisian Quiz
  
  
• Aftermath 67, 3155 (December 25, 1989)
  MORE DOMES UNEARTHED
  Hippies, nuts, Inge Pubis, poetry
  Republican Response: Brian Alsobrooks
  Principia Discordia: page 16 Law of Fives
  
  
• Chaoflux 19, 3156 (January 19, 1990)
  GEEK ROW IS UNDERWAY
  drinks, Bobcat Goldthwait
  Republican Response: Geeks
  Erisian Quiz
  Principia Discordia: page 63 Greyface and negativism
  
  
• Chaos 25, 3156 (January 25, 1990)
  FACULTY GETS BUILDINGED
  dome, Ned, Taco Bell, predictions
  Principia Discordia: page 52 Hodge Podge Transformer
  
  
• Chaos 25, 3156 (January 25, 1990) t-shirt SPACE ALIENS STRIP HUMANITY OF CLOTHING
  Note: This, which we all agreed on was issue number 18, was printed in 200 copies in black ink on a 50/50 cotton poly t-shirt. This was the only issue we sold.
  
  
• Discord 1, 3156 (March 15, 1990)
  PROJECT E*L*F RUSH POSTER OUTRAGES PROF
  drinks, stereotypes
  Colonel Gonzo: resurrection
  Sami: Plaid Billygoats
  Principia Discordia: page 15 What we know about Eris
  
  
• Discord 8, 3156 (March 22, 1990) North Wind Parody VP ASSAULTED AT ACADEMIC SENATE
  geek row, perversions
  Sami: Jerking off

  Note: this issue was specially designed to be a cutting critique of the North Wind in hopes that their generally underwhelming April Fool's Day issue would be particularily nasty to us. The next week when the issue came out, we braced ourselves for a good stiff dose of our own medicine and then--nothing. They had no response at all. I still haven't forgiven them for that.
  
  

• Discord 30, 3156 (April 13, 1990) Minicon issue I KEEFER STIRS CAMPUS WITH ELECTION RESULTS Kush, Baron Munchhausen, drinks of Minicon Radical Moderate: Normals
  Principia Discordia: page 70
  

  Note: For whatever reason, this was the last issue for eighteen months. No one is really sure why. We continued to hang around together during this "forty years in the wilderness." I wasn't around much becasue I was not in school and most of my creative energy was used in the creation of "The Olson Brothers Present" on TV6.

  We were all pretty much sure that The...TRUTH had died, except that whenever anyone asked "Hey, when is the next issue coming out?" we would all reply in unison "Soon. Very soon." This is another tradition that continues to this day. One day, Bryan Gentilini (who came aboard with us after running afoul of the North Wind people (see issue 36)) asked me to do a drawing. He said he was bringing The...TRUTH back and he needed a cover illustration. Somehow Erik caught wind of this and procured a copy of the drawing, too. The race was on to see who could ressurect The...TRUTH first.
  
  

• No. 21 Aftermath 10, 3157 (October 29, 1991) COHODAS BUILDING DEMOLISHED
  actor's daydream, drinks, the creation
  Note: Bryan had won the race by a scant few days. Erik already had his in at printing services; however, and distributed his only a few days later. To confuse things further, Bryan had his dated several days after Erik's. Well, we all know the story now.

  Also on the subject of numeration--Bryan and I put our heads together and determined (using some pretty specious technique) that his issue would be issue 21 (I had to buy him a beer to get him to agree that the t-shirt constituted a genuine issue). It is from this issue that we number all of the following issues.
  
  

• No. 22 Aftermath 5, 3157 (October 24, 1991) THE FINAL COHODAS SHUFFLE
  F.R.T., hockey rings, Bob Manning, Star Trek, Nude Radical Moderate: conventions
  Sami: Orange Whip
  Note: This is the issue that establishes the P-word (Theatre faculty) as an Erisian Naughty Word That Good People Don't Say Unless They've Dropped a Very Heavy Thing on Their Foot. This means it's as good a place as any to bring up the fact that we've also--by design--never used the E-P word (singer: "All Shook Up," "Teddy Bear," Jailhouse Rock") or the F-word (Fornication Under Consent of the King). I was never sure why but I know it's interesting to have Something That Just Isn't Done.
  
  
• No. 23 Aftermath 17, 3157 (November 5, 1991) logo read "Thoth" REALITY BREAKS
  gay chart, tree of knowledge, Where's Willy? Sami: Political correctness
  Erisian Quiz

  Note: By this time we had established a sort of pattern of each contributer doing an issue alone, so I decided to do one by myself. "Thoth" was it. In keeping with my own style, the issue was mainly pictures, charts, and graphs--very few complete sentences.

  I thought the practice of having rotating editors would be a good idea--people got grouchy when Erik did too many issues alone. He had a tendency to get incoherent. Bryan had a tendency to get snooty. The idea didn't really fly.
  
  

• No. 24 Aftermath 45, 3157 (December 3, 1991) Christmas/Afflux Special IT'S DEER SESSION AT NORTHERN
  public radio, new logo, Scrooge in review, wit, Ms. political correctitude
  
  
• No. 25 Discord 2, 3158 (March 16, 1992) fun and games issue POWER INCARNATE
  the crossword puzzle, drinking games
  Erisian quiz
  Principia Discordia: page 66 Sink
  

  Note: Kendall said that he had a program for his computer with which he could create a crossword puzzle, so eight or so of us sat around firing names and clues and Kendall wrote them down as fast as he could. When the issue came out--I adjourned to a quiet corner to see how much of the crossword puzzle I could do (in pencil). I got about one third of the clues--and I was one of the guys who wrote the thing! In other words, this was an impossible puzzle. No one knows all the stuff in it.
  
  

• No. 26 Discord 23, 3158 (April 6, 1992)
  NEW CLASS TO START AT NORTHERN
  David Duke, NMU pres. hunt, Miss Political Correctitude, Denny Dent The Fiend: Korea part I
  Principia Discordia: page 65 Erisian Evangelists Note: This business with the running the same page from the P.D. twice is precisely the reason I called for more organization (see Afm. 49, 3154)
  
  
• No 27 Discord 37, 3158 (April 20, 1992) Minicon issue II JOIN THE QUEST
  d&d module, Hubajubabubawuba, Jesus the biker The Fiend: Korea part II
  Principia Discordia: page 75 The Last Word Note: this issue was printed on goldenrod paper and like the issue before it was done in secret in the dead of night by Erik working totally alone and with only minimal input from everyone else. Because he was graduating, he billed it as the Last Issue Ever. In honor of it being the last issue of The...TRUTH we annually (or thereabouts) like to put out a Last Issue Ever.
  
  
• No. 28 Confusion 20, 3158 (June 15, 1992) orientation issue GENIUS AT NMU
  Sami: Mental Health
  Cub Reporter Ray: Propaganda
  Principia Discordia: page 32 The Discordian Society
  
  
• No. 29 Bureacracy 31, 3158 (September 7, 1992) ALIEN BACKS THE...TRUTH STAFF
  Anti-circus, car theft poem, hippie shopping guide Fiend: Sillybus
  Erisian quiz
  
  
• No. 30 Bureaucracy 49, 3158 (September 25, 1992) TATTOO THIEVES TARGET NORTHERN STUDENTS
  Football team's poor season, Eavesdropping, Hints for profs Sami: sex scandals
  Principia Discordia: page 38 Sermon on Ethics and love
  
  
• No. 31 Aftermath 12, 3158 (October 31, 1992) DEVIL FROM FUTURE crackpot discounts predecessors of Jesus
  Congressman Bob Davis Drunk in Marquette, Sauna survival Sami: Satan
  Principia Discordia: page 11 Battle hymn of the Eristocracy Note: This issue was paid for in part by an advertisement from Barracuda Bay in West Hall.
  
  
• No. 32 Aftermath 16, 3158 (November 4, 1992) THE CURSE IS LIFTED world freed from republican slavery Last Issue Ever!
  
  
• No. 33 Chaos 43, 3159 (Februaury 12, 1993) JACOBETTI MEMORIAL PLAN BEGUN local politician honored Gay/straight attraction, Faculty research grants Erisian Quiz
  Sami: teaching assistants
  Note: this issue came out right after Project E*L*F's "Imbolic Massacre"-- a party that went so badly, I couldn't go home for weeks. The minutea of the fight was used as an excuse for those with long-standing animosities to choose sides and get busy. It was ugly, but it trimmed a lot of dead wood from the group.
  
  
• No. 34 Chaos 72, 3159 (March 13, 1993)
  TECH NEEDS WOMEN! nmu provides aid and comfort to mtu Erik
  Sami: Love story
  Principia Discordia: page 34 Erisian calendar Note: I think this was the first issue to be done on Pagemaker. This is also the first issue to mention the CyberTRUTH. You could say this is the issue where we went high-tech--which is only appropriate since this issue was created especially as a cross over from Tech to NMU.
  
  
• No. 35 Discord 27, 3159 (April 10, 1993) Minicon issue III IT'S A KIND OF MAGICK
  Excerpts from Cybertruth, Erisians on Star Trek, E*L*F's relic Principia Discordia: pages 17 & 18 The myth of the apple
  
  
• No. 36 (Vol. 16 oz., issue 1) Bureaucracy 40, 3159 (Sept. 16, 1993) SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE...
  dramatis personae
  Sami: People skills
  
  
• No.37 (Vol. 16 oz., issue 2) Aftermath 12, 3159 (Oct. 31, 1993) WEENIE UPSTARTS POLLUTE EXOSPHERE
  Hewitt drives faculty out, restaurant review, excerpts from /conf truth
  
  
• No. 38 (Vol. 16 oz., issue 3) Aftermath 57, 3159 (Dec. 15, 1993) WE'RE NO ONE!
  nmu to be sealed for 2 years
  Ed Neimi's day, Jack Herer lecture
  Sami: Football
  Note: the headline won't make sense to anyone but me--the Mining Journal ran a story the day after the volleyball team won the nationals, it was headlined "We're No. 1" I thought it looked like "We're no one." Never mind.
  
  
• No. 39 (Vol. 16 oz., issue 4) Chaos 10, 3160 (Jan. 10, 1994) ALIEN GIVES VANDEMENT THE FINGER
  Flooding explained
  Sami: Movies
  Principia Discordia: page 77 Collage
  Note: this issue was red tinted on the edges. Joe edited this one and wanted to try and get it looking blood spattered in honor of the Imbolic Massacre. It was definitely worth a try.

  This was Joe's first issue. He prepared it so that it would be ready to go on the first day of school (another first--usually we wait for a week or so). Joe also came up with the plan to get an advertiser. He got K.C. comics to pay all our printing costs in exchange for a small ad. This set the tone for the whole semester.
  
  

• No. 40 (Vol. 16oz., issue 5) Chaos 31, 3160 (Jan. 31, 1993) MOTHER NATURE ARRAIGNED record cold stopped Excerpts from /conf truth
  Sami: library
  Erisian quiz
  
  
• No. 41 Chaos 50, 3160 (February 19, 1994) LEFT-HANDED SLIGHT IN MARQUETTE
  ASNMU-North Wind swap, Phillip Morris protest, God/Satan From our foriegn correspondents
  
  
• No. 42 Discord 1, 3160 (March 15, 1994)
  YOOPERS ARE REVOLTING
  God/Satan2, ASNMU opens bar, Ziegler wants freaks T.A.Z.: Poetic Terrorism
  Principia Discordia: pages 22, 24-26, & 28-31 POEE
  
  
• No. 43 Discord 18, 3160 (April 1, 1993) Minicon issue IV THE GEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH
  ASNMU used booze, Battlestar Prophylactica, L.D.D., hokey pokey Principia Discordia: pages 39 & 40 The 5 Apostles
  
  
• No. 44 Discord 42, 3160 (April 24, 1994)
  PIECE OF CAKE
  Nat'l guard, rainbow map, Janet Reno
  Sami: Ole's farewell
  Last Issue Ever!
  Note: The front page of this issue is a photo of a cake I baked and decorated to look like the front page of The...TRUTH. The text is layed over the photo. I guess you have to see it to believe it.