The...TRUTH #42 - Back Issue

THE COMPLETE, UNADULTERATED, UNABRIDGED, ALL-AMERICAN,UNBIASED, WHOLESOME, HONEST TO GOODNESS, PLAIN AND SIMPLE TRUTH (cyberpunk edition) Issue no. 00042 discord 1, 3160

100% erik free since 3158

YOOPERS ARE REVOLTING

In a last ditch attempt to squeeze every penny they can out of the Government-- Officials of Michigan's Upper Peninsula are filing a class action law suit on behalf of all the Yooper women who bore the children of American servicemen at K.I. Sawyer Air Force Base.

"These servicemen are leaving behind thousands of half Yooper, half American babies," said a city councilman. "We think the United States governement should provide somehow for them."

The Ameryooper children are largely ostracized by their full- blooded Yooper neighbors, many are reduced to going to Northern Michigan University, getting a college degree, and leaving the U.P. forever.

"This is the way Uncle Sam works?" said a Yooper woman with several babies--all of whom bore both Yooper and American traits. "They come in here for years and do what they want to our environment, our land, and then they leave all their children behind?"

Not everyone is displeased with the American troop withdrawal from Superiorland. Sami the jerk, President of the "U.P. for Yoopers" Society is just happy to see them go.

"I've been walking around the U.P. organizing protests and mounting insurrections for years. I can't tell you how many 'U.S. Out of Superiorland' signs I've made or how many times I've spraypainted 'Yankee go home' on American buildings. I say good riddance. Yoopers are peaceful people. We have our own unique culture and heritage. Our culture has been systematically supressed since Superiorland was invaded and claimed for the United States more than 150 years ago. Take your Air Force Base. Take your cable television. Take your Imperialistic lifestyle. We can provide for ourselves and the children you leave behind."

The Superiorland Goverenment in exile, headquartered at the Somerset Hotel in Minneapolis expressed cautious optimism about the prospect of autonomy for Superiorland.

"Many of our brothers and sisters fled Superiorland during the worst parts of the occupation. Our refugees are scattered from Seattle to Maine. I hope we can go home soon," said the Sisu-Poyka, revered spiritual leader of Superiorland. "But the invaders have taken everything we had. They cut down the timber, they dug all the ore out of the ground and what were we given in return? Music Television and Burger King? There's no way they can repay us for what they've taken."

"What can we expect?" Sami said, "It's government and government is about legalized robbery. The Americans robbed and killed the Native Americans, the Nazis robbed and killed the Jews, the Chinese robbed and killed the Tibetans, the British robbed and killed everybody."

K.I. Sawyer Air Force Base is scheduled to close in the fall of 1995. Rumor has it, an influx of peace activists are expected during the summer of 1995 to mark the occasion.

INSIDE: WEATHER: IT WAS ALMOST SPRING!

APATHETIC STUDENTS DAY MAY 1: WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SUPPORT APATHY.
BIGFOOT FOUND IN UCFC CEILING--ODD NOISES EXPLAINED. "HE ATE THE CHILI," -- SAID CAFE WORKER.
PLUS WE IGNORE ASNMU ELECTIONS.

BOOK EXCERPT--T.A.Z.: POETIC TERRORISM

Editor's note: In this place we usually run a page from the Principia Discordia but this week we found a text copy of the book Temporary Autonomous Zone on Internet. In honor of this aspicious occasion we thought it might be nice to run a page from that instead. Incidentally, we have both T.A.Z. and Principia Discordia as text documents on our hard drives. If you would like a copy of either, both or our bonus gift: The Purity Test at no cost to you, the reader--please e-mail to POLSON@NMUMUS.bitnet and request them or send a 3.5" computer disk (Mac or IBM format--Double or high density) and one $.52 stamp to our address (listed elswhere) and we will get these documents to you fnord.

Poetic Terrorism

WEIRD DANCING IN ALL-NIGHT computer-banking lobbies. Unauthorized pyrotechnic displays. Land-art, earth-works as bizarre alien artifacts strewn in State Parks. Burglarize houses but instead of stealing, leave Poetic-Terrorist objects. Kidnap someone & make them happy. Pick someone at random & convince them they're the heir to an enormous, useless & amazing fortune--say 5000 square miles of Antarctica, or an aging circus elephant, or an orphanage in Bombay, or a collection of alchemical mss. Later they will come to realize that for a few moments they believed in something extraordinary, & will perhaps be driven as a result to seek out some more intense mode of existence.

Bolt up brass commemorative plaques in places (public or private) where you have experienced a revelation or had a particularly fulfilling sexual experience, etc.

Go naked for a sign.

Organize a strike in your school or workplace on the grounds that it does not satisfy your need for indolence & spiritual beauty.

Grafitti-art loaned some grace to ugly subways & rigid public momuments--PT-art can also be created for public places: poems scrawled in courthouse lavatories, small fetishes abandoned in parks & restaurants, xerox-art under windshield-wipers of parked cars, Big Character Slogans pasted on playground walls, anonymous letters mailed to random or chosen recipients (mail fraud), pirate radio transmissions, wet cement...

The audience reaction or aesthetic-shock produced by PT ought to be at least as strong as the emotion of terror-- powerful disgust, sexual arousal, superstitious awe, sudden intuitive breakthrough, dada-esque angst--no matter whether the PT is aimed at one person or many, no matter whether it is "signed" or anonymous, if it does not change someone's life (aside from the artist) it fails.

PT is an act in a Theater of Cruelty which has no stage, no rows of seats, no tickets & no walls. In order to work at all, PT must categorically be divorced from all conventional structures for art consumption (galleries, publications, media). Even the guerilla Situationist tactics of street theater are perhaps too well known & expected now.

An exquisite seduction carried out not only in the cause of mutual satisfaction but also as a conscious act in a deliberately beautiful life--may be the ultimate PT. The PTerrorist behaves like a confidence-trickster whose aim is not money but CHANGE.

Don't do PT for other artists, do it for people who will not realize (at least for a few moments) that what you have done is art. Avoid recognizable art-categories, avoid politics, don't stick around to argue, don't be sentimental; be ruthless, take risks, vandalize only what _must_ be defaced, do something children will remember all their lives--but don't be spontaneous unless the PT Muse has possessed you.

Dress up. Leave a false name. Be legendary. The best PT is against the law, but don't get caught.

Art as crime; crime as art.

ZIEGLER: "I NEED FREAKS!"

Are you:

Pro-gay rights?
Militantly pro-choice?
A tattoo artist?
Pagan?
A political gadfly?

If you are, Gil Ziegler wants you to be on his Congressional Advisory Committee!

Well, maybe not--but he does want TRUTH Interim Editor-in- chief Paul Olson. On March 3, Ziegler sent (Pagan boy) Olson a letter that began "Dear Paul: I am personally writing to you to become a Charter Member of my Congressional Advisory Committee."

This is a bold new step for the Republican Party in Marquette. We don't know how long the Republicans have been actively courting the Freak Vote but Ziegler wants to come out with his new world order. He continued in his epistle to (FemiNazi) Olson: "If you accept my invitation, I would like your permission to inform the news media in your area of your decision to join my campaign."

This is a long way from the Republican party line of "Family Values" (whatever that means), but with a few more liberals on Ziegler's campaign we could be staring down the barrel of a kinder, gentler 1st congressional district.

Ziegler even included a personal note in his own hand at the end of the letter, "I won't let you down--- from one alum to another--- you can count on that!!" This note was penned in the same blue ink that the custom letterhead was printed in. This led some of the more cynical on The...TRUTH staff to believe Ziegler had hundreds--perhaps thousands of these letters printed. "Besides," said Sami the Jerk, "The letter calls 'scratcher' Olson an 'Alum' and we all know he's still in school."

We don't know how many people Ziegler extended this invitation to, but he either, wants Olson for who he is, sent out a bunch of personal letters to people he doesn't even know, or he hasn't a clue what his staff is doing. This means Ziegler is A) a freak; B) a slimy smoozball; C) a brainless dolt--everything we want in a politician.

STILL MORE OF THIS CRAP

The editorial or whatever it was about Job sparked an interest in me. First, I feel that the story of Job is flawed in its construction. The authors (not the reporters) made a mistake in portraying God and Satan as petty. It could be argued that they have been portrayed in such a light over and over again, and I would have to agree. But what does this say? Well it says to me that the flaws in the "Gods" reflects the flaws in the creators of those Gods. Second, my instant reaction to the article was to remind me of Nietchze who said, in those immortal words, "God is dead." Yes, our power to create Gods is dead and so is the climate in which Gods would be created. But it is reassuring, to some extent, to see that our ability to doubt is healthy.

I'm sure Hume would be proud of the attitude that the author of the article displayed. Maybe we are stuck in the doubting mode of thinking due to the scientific/technological revolution, I don't presume to know. But I find it to be the case that this highly evolved and over glorified State of Nature we call "westren culture" had crippled its fair share of imaginative people that may have contributed something toward resurrecting the Gods we have killed. These same people are now turning their energies toward the destruction of myths and religions, which aren't to be taken literally in the first place (something Hume didn't understand). Some, rightly, are trying to discredit these religions because they harbor the evils of their creators.

So where is the comprimise between wide open creation of religious forms and blatent destruction of those forms? In my view the reconciliation lies in understanding what it is people are creating and tearing down, which is a belief system that allows people to recognize their inherent spirituality. I'm not saying doubting something is "bad," but it should be tempered by understanding what it is that we are critizing. In the article the author is critiquing a large group of people's belief system and I think in effect dampening the spirituality of those that may not have had any to begin with. END

NEW FUNDING PLAN PROPOSED

NMU--In a press conference today, ASNMU president Grig Wrathgee announced a surprising (but well received) new plan to fund NMU's student government. ASNMU offices will now be open evenings, as the Better-at-Drinking Bar and Grill!

"We've had a lot of support for the idea," said Wrathgee, "and this plan should give us the love, support, trust, and money of the student body. With the power of this initiative, our programs will finally have teeth. We'll show those rummies in Cohodas who really runs this campus." as Public safety escorted him from the stand, Wrathgee was quoted as saying, "Nothing can stop us, nothing! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!!"

NMU students featured in our photo opinion poll, cut due to the lack of a camera, showed overwhelming support for the new initiative. "At last, there's someplace closer than Vangos to drink," said Freshman Michelle Random. Senior Steve Thiviviv replied, "They'll still rook us on prices, but at least we won't have to walk as far."

"ASNMU actually giving the students what they want, don't make me laugh!" said Sami the Jerk, administrative liaison and bar reviewer for The...Truth, "Those #$%*!@ don't have the slightest idea of what they're doing. Either they'll bankrupt the campus with high prices and administrative aid, or the lot of 'em will get arrested for serving to minors. Hey, maybe this is a good idea..."

When contacted, ASNMU advisor Ed Neimi stated, "Those pinheads don't know what the #%@$ they're doing. They can't even hold a meeting without causing a rep. to resign. But, I suppose the administration will have to humor... ah, support them."

It remains to be seen if the ASNMU's new plan will work, but, in the mean time, see you at Remmie's. --The Sun

POEE - FROM THE PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA: PAGES 22, 24-26, & 28-31 MORE OR LESS

POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO- ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent deity,reversity beyond- mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just that nobody pays much attention to us.

MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. He is called [The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold].

The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by temporally and spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.

POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's pineal gland, and has only one scruple-- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain.

POEE has not registered,incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.

POEE has 5 DEGREES: There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE. The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on. An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN. The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather. And POEE =POPE=.

POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.

POEE & It's Priests If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you may wish to from your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do a bunch of POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what you think it is.

The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather expect good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather is to point, not to teach. Once in a while, he even listens

Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become substantially different that the revelations of Mal- 2, then perhaps the Goddess has plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not competing with each other, and they are all POEE priests anyway (as soon as I locate them). The point is that Episkoposes are developing separate paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the section "Discordian Society"

ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST

There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly know better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?

An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."

Note to POEE Priests: The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not as a commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool when seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via the market place.

The Erisian Affirmation

BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare myself a POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA! the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds: ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!

HOW TO START A POEE CABAL WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE CABAL and do Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide. Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate. The words you are now reading are your ordination.

HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN

1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies. 2. Sign and nose-print each copy. 3. Send one to the President of the United States. 4. Send one to The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding 1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814 5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other. Then consult your pineal gland.

= The POEE Baptismal Rite =
This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.

1. The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that s/he is truly a human being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.
   
   
2. All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians.
   
   
3. The Priest begins: I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations, offices, &tc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:
   
   1. ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? The Initiate answers YES.
   2. THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The Initiate answers YES.
   3. HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? S/he answers YES.
   4. VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
   5. THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME: (The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name), LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!
   
   
   
4. All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who are present.
   
   
5. The Ceremony generally degenerates.

THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH The Initiate swears the following:FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!! (Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to substitute the German: FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE! or perhaps WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!! which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)